Another public holiday for me in this month, I suppose go out for own entertainment.

Yet, I know even though I go out but I couldn't find myself smile like last time again.

At the same time, I do not find any meaning of it, I know I rather stay at home in the end.

I know what am I doing, it doesn't matter right or wrong, at least I found myself I'm willing to do so.

Day by day, Time by time, I learn how to conquer the hollowness.

No matter how tough of it, I still hold tight the persevere with [it].
All along, only blog make me feel released from what I have keep in _____ .

Lone cup of.

Uphold it. This is all I could do. Today such a bad luck for me, the stupid car messed my day again, sigh. While driving to home, the light instruction keep wink with me and I don't know what was that? The night seems dark, I was feeling afraid of the incident. Initially, dad ask me try to drive home but the car do not wish to listen the instruction. In sudden, my car breakdown accidentally and stop over at the roadside which make me feel scare and nervous. While being forced to stop at there, few of the stranger or motorcycles trying to stop and peep on me, the way they stare at me feel so scary. I was trying to start the car engine but it makes the car get worse. I have no idea what's wrong with the car and I was trying to contact my parent again and inform them the incident and they nag and scold me again. sigh. I do not feel good at all as I never expect the incident happen in that way. At the same time, my personal phone couldn't work well. Grrr... I wish to talk with dad  more while waiting but he choose to hang up my call. The distance seems far from home to here, I was waiting but heart beat jumped unusually as the road look grisly. All the time, I learn to be brave as I can but sometime I really ... On that moment, I make a call for [it], wish to get some __________ to comfort. Unfortunately, I am in the bad luck. I question myself, am I look so that disgusted or that annoy? I couldn't give myself an answer, perhaps I should admit I am. sigh weep :'( I cross my hand and pray, pray for the car and myself. I admit sometime still I feel insecure when I'm in the dark-side or remote area. In the end, mom keep on blaming me for the incident, dad doesn't feel happy and how do i? My car has to send for maintenance again. AGAIN, it is going to kill my wallet AGAIN. (the price amount, you know.sigh.)  I really depressed, really bad luck. I pray again, Dear GOD. Please give me some luck!

Today after work, I follow what is in my mind.

I follow what my mind instruct me for [it]. 

I follow how it show about.

Lone with No clue of it.

Right or wrong.
I try. and try. still I try.

Uncertainty of [it].

And  I realize.
it might mock on me.
Yes! No clue of it.
I was thinking about it.
it show the way but still I couldn't confirm it.
I should know.
Low percentage of it.
Where?
Racked brain to know more about it.

** pray **

In fact, I slept early last night after the class.
I look at the phone and I know I couldn't do anything at the moment even if I miss [him].
In the midnight,
I been frightened from a nightmarish.
I awake with sweating face, I knew I dream of him again & again.

I stunned.
I feel terrifying what the nightmare brought for me,therefore I do not hesitate that much and text him to asked.
"Have you sleep?"

A simple dumb question.
Meanwhile, I just wish to check whether is he back to home safely? have a good sleep?

Am I disturb him unconsciously?

I know how busy he was, how he don't wish to touch for [it] anymore.

Somehow, my worrisome might seems pointless still I wish to concern him where-ever he is.

I wish to let him know.

You're not alone. I'm always here. (Just like the moon).

***********************************************************************************
And this morning only I knew that Gas tank explosion happened at the Empire Gallery Subang Jaya there, the news stated it was from Starbucks coffee. 
Is this a reason why I awake from the nightmare?
However, the nightmarish make me couldn't sleep well, and I know how much still I feel insecure.


I realize I couldn't "breathe" well again without  _ _ _ .

A place I wish to lie down.

I was finding. searching. exploring. A heaven place.
A 'place' for me to shout, yell, express how much I could when I feel I'm lost / truly depression.

Currently, here is the 'place' only. :'(

by her.

Do you ever find yourself getting really irritable for almost no reason?
Or suddenly feeling down without knowing why?
Going from sadness to anger to joy in a matter of minutes can make many of us feel as though they're losing their grip.
But why is the feeling of being on an
emotional roller coaster so common among us?

Another important cause for mood swings is biology.
When puberty begins, the body starts producing sex hormones.
These hormones — estrogen and progesterone in girls and testosterone in guys — cause physical changes in the body.
But in some people, they also seem to cause emotional changes — the ups and downs that sometimes feel out of control.
Understanding that almost everyone goes through mood swings during their teen years might make them easier to handle.

When It's More Than Just a Mood
Feeling irritable or short-tempered can be signs of depression.
So can feelings of boredom or hopelessness.
Many people think of depression as feeling sad, but depression can also bring feelings of moodiness, impatience, anger, or even just not caring.When depression gets in the way of enjoying life or dealing with others, that's a sign you need to do something about it, like talking to a counselor or therapist who can help you deal with it.

Also, if you ever feel like hurting yourself, that's more than just a bad mood and you need to tell someone. 
Today I was very depressed, bad mood until I would like to &"¥$%#..* word..
I am feeling bad till wanna shed my tears till nagging to back my home.
I'm not the girl who're easily listen to what people command for.
Forgive me I was too conservative sometime, I hate that action which I don't like to do. What's wrong with me?
Don't ask me why?

I was definitely lost my direction,brainless, empty now.
ALAS I feel bad of what I did before..
* I wanna be PEACE as well listen thru my EMO soothing song.*
I desire of it- OSCAR's PEACE, 21.9% .
It's delicious, be fit for lady the most.
It got the award as international wine spirit. 
sweet!


I mixed it with my cranberry juice.




A day with a bottle of peach wine & glass of wine.
Have a good wine night!