Truth or Lie?

Emotional

 
 If a lie detector on your hand, how much would you dare to lie? 

I know how much of the pain and still... 
I lie, I find excuse to cover my mistake.
I don't wish this to be happen, but will someone trust me? 
I couldn't overturn since it has been happened.
Blame myself, realize that I lie, and I know I don't have the ability.
I lie but at the same time I don't feel good and feel guilty of it.
Blame myself that I do not make the sentences clear & confused it.
I lie, I excuse.
I kill myself. 
I just wish to hide the truth as I don't wish to reveal it.
But... perhaps I was wrong.
Hiding the truth, just shattered my own personality trait.
This is how bad attitude of myself.

Should I.
hide the lie?
hide the truth? 


Truth or Lie?
 I always try to cover it,tell myself don't expose it, hide it tight & still failed to keep it. 
I learned to be smart but I'm not really strong in lie.
A lie harm myself that lose the dignity, personality.
The demons of stupidity of me. 


I'm sorry.
I know I lie, you feel hurt.
I know I hide, you feel frustrated.
All truth is simple... is that not doubly a lie? 
One may sometimes tell a lie, but the grimace that accompanies it tells the truth. 
I should like to lie at your feet and die in your arms.  
Even if you tell me you hate me, I'm never letting go of you.
Can I?


 by her. ='(

A nightmarish.

depression = (
In fact, I slept early last night after the class.
I look at the phone and I know I couldn't do anything at the moment even if I miss [him].
In the midnight,
I been frightened from a nightmarish.
I awake with sweating face, I knew I dream of him again & again.

I stunned.
I feel terrifying what the nightmare brought for me,therefore I do not hesitate that much and text him to asked.
"Have you sleep?"
A simple dumb question.
Meanwhile, I just wish to check whether is he back to home safely? have a good sleep?
Am I disturb him unconsciously?
I know how busy he was, how he don't wish to touch for [it] anymore.
Somehow, my worrisome might seems pointless still I wish to concern him where-ever he is.
I wish to let him know.
You're not alone. I'm always here. (Just like the moon).
You just never realize.

***********************************************************************************
And this morning only I knew that Gas tank explosion happened at the Empire Gallery Subang Jaya there, the news stated it was from Starbucks coffee. 
Is this a reason why I awake from the nightmare?
However, the nightmarish make me couldn't sleep well, and I know how much still I feel insecure.


I realize I couldn't "breathe" well again without  _ _ _ .

A place I wish to lie down.
I was finding. searching. exploring. A heaven place.
A 'place' for me to shout, yell, express how much I could when I feel I'm lost / truly depression.

Currently, here is the 'place' only. :'(

by her.

The ONLY way.

Emotional
26 September 2011

I knew the last night of me, kind of abnormal.
I knew he don't like this kind of action.
I knew he will choose to ignore my existence.
It's hurt for him when I was there.
I knew how much he dislike but this is the only way I could do to meet him as I worry he might won't choose to meet me anymore. 

While driving to there, I don't feeling well but still I persist to there. 
Love conquers all, especially fear.
I wait for him and I could expect what is the consequences after that and still I wish to have a try.
While he leaving, I should chase but I couldn't. 
On that moment, I kept on coughing & puke again, I wish to drive but I can't. 
I took rest there before I leave alone.
I don't dare to expect much, purely need him at that moment.



I know I truly hurt him, that's why I wish to tell him how much I could do.
But it seems still the bad outcome from [it].
I don't wish to argue with him, I just wish to meet him personally, confess what I wish about.
Still I wish to concern him, still I wish to _____  him.
Regardless how he treat me that (good/bad/worse), still I don't give up!

I wish you to be with me but I'm trying my best to treat you well as I can.
I'd used my way to _____ you as I can.

by her.
Never doubt my ♥.

There's something missing in my heart...

Emotional

All I need is YOU. Not Alone.


Nothing special for my weekend.
I know the yesterday of me lost direction which brought him feel irritated.
I truly sorry and thanks he guide me back.
 
Today, I stay at home, wish to continue my post for myself or [it] before [it] will be 'shut down'.
While I was doing draft for my blog, blog-spot update itself, then only I realize the layout of blog-spot has changed by today, which I found it better than last time.
It's good to have some improvement therefore we could learn from it.

Meanwhile, I kept on listen some song again.
The special song that I kept repeatedly again & again. 
 I know how emo I am. Yet, still I thought about [him].
I look at my phone again & again. Wish to press some words, to text.
Yet, I feel gutless & breathless.
I'm blank in so sudden to text any word for him.
Worry that my text make him feel annoy or irritated.
How much I wish to do but I feel lost.
It's useless when I brought those no value way to show my way.
I purely wish I could encounter with him to say I'm sorry I do not mean that.
Will he listen to me again?

 Yet, my answer still the same as mine!


Before I'm going to bed, I try to press [it] but failed.









There's something missing in my heart...

I miss you. This is all I could say.

by her. 

Another sentimental song...

Emotional

郭富城 全城戒備電影主題歌 忘了 粵語版 官方MV

Another sentimental song!

Last night I do not went out and I just spent my day at home.
Non-stop watched few hours of Astro movies, the last one was stated as above, named as under city vigilance.
Actor and Actress - Aaron Kwok, Shu qi, Wu jin, Lin jing Chu, etc
The story line not that good but I like the song in the end.

Frankly, Don't know why I shed my tears last night.
Seriously, it been a long time I do not shed my tear after he dumped me.
I just feel damn Emotional!
'What a nutcase!'

Somehow, I cry last night till I fall asleep,
'Why?'
and I realized 'Do I feel so empty / lonely?'
I'm not exactly, probably some moment only!


He posted out some words that affect my mood indirectly.
既然不能在一起，请你别再靠近
What comes first in my mind was the status indicates me I guess.
He was right and I was emo with unreasonable.
我想我对你的方式真的伤害了你，对不起。
你总是不希望我说对不起，但是我就是和你吵不起。
我就是爱和你耍脾气。
你让我失望几次了，但是同样的我也让你失望了，不是吗？
是我总是那么样的对你，你真的可以责骂我自私的行为。
我一直问自己应该怎样对你呢？
你会介意吗？
你会生气吧？
你会讨厌吧？
但是我就是固执，也明白固执也会害了我。
想不通的是我。
忘了我。
但这会是减轻你的痛苦。
You was right, which you might got what I meant about.
Perhaps I told him before that we couldn't be together, but I still will treat him well as I can.
I used to told him, what is my requirement that I wishes to get for.
 I might kinda like him but the feel not that strong, I just don't wanna lie.
I just don't wanna make any commitment, I just don't wish to hurt him.

I couldn't find out the answer, because I'm real confused of myself. 
I admit I'm egocentric.
Don't force me, please!



As the 1st part of the MV dialog stated as.
Girl : 你不觉得我那样利用你，是很自私的吗？
Boy : 如果能让你开心，就可以了。
Guys, not such thing in reality!
Girls used to wishes the guys pay everything for them, but guys are real suffered with that seriously!

I admit I was trying to find a new guy who could make my heart 'thump thump thump thump' again!
A knowledgeable person who could understand me, endure my emotional, be with me!
For sure, I'll treat him back vice versa.

In sudden, I should stop my egocentric and let him go!
Since I couldn't give him any commitment or the confirm answer,
I should not get close with him of my selfishness or my loneliness!
Because I know you'll get mad because of me!
Could I promise that?!
Let go before we get hurt once again. ='(

"Heart-- T.T --Broken."

Emotional

I am sad, and thoroughly.
You do not belong to me, and I must forget all this grief.
I hope I will not stay long to lie there alive.
From beginning to end, all I was living in a lie, I know that he no longer belongs to me.

Hate myself silly, hate myself for loving wrong person again.

It let me recall back, my ex-bf always did that for me.
They hurt me easily, and I pretend hardly. :')
He did not understand my feelings.
All along, I believe what's love mean for.
I gave him my fragile heart but he had crashed it in the end.
It was worthless anyways.
I was wrong, I lost.
He does not love me. ='(
As he insisted that, " Please forget it, forget everything it been happened."
But it was true, ♥ is hard to predict for, hard to equal for.

And now, I should...

Forget The Times You Walked By,
Forget The Times You've Made Me Cry,
Forget The Time You Held My Hand,
Forget The Sweet Things If I Can,
I Can No Longer Pretend
I Have To Remember Now That

"You're Just A Friend" or "Stranger".

I'm sorry I felt powerless.

Emotional

" I don't know anything but ♥. "
If this was the answer for an unknown question.

Then I'd create a question for this answer.
" What do you think about ♥ ? "

Sound sarcastically, but I'd like to voice with this sentence.

Some people used to provide different perspectives about ♥ due to they're expert.
Some people do not comment with it, and said that going '随缘'.
Some people don't care what the heck it was.
And still got other some people?

..Doy..
o.o

I do not know.

Someone was expose everything from his heart to a girl.
He told her how much he like about her, he cares about her.
She understood but still then she feel uncomfortable.
She do not give any respond because she knew that she have her own answer.
She don't wanna hurt the man therefore she choose silence.
Yet, she was trying to drop a hint to him.
She hopes he got the hint right now.

She do feel sorry for everything, she felt powerless.
For the boy who adore her,
Please treat her as friend, as a friend that willing to friend with her, friend with her when she needed.
Do not said that you won't give up go after her, because in the end she still said 'NO'.
She knew that she was the heart-tendered girl.

At the same time, She don't wanna waste time, waste your time as her as well.

You could blame her cruelness, but she do feel compressive stress as well.
She been rejected few guys before and in the end, those of them do not friend with her, she understood their action and she do not blame.

If you still cannot accept, that's was she can answer for,
'I'm sorry that I always treat you as a friend.'
'Sorry that I just wanna treat you as friend, not any purpose.'
'Sorry that I hurt you, alright that you don't wish to be friend with me'
'Sorry that I like him, but not you.'
' I'm sorry I felt powerless. '

=(
She cannot fall in ♥ with who're surrounding her now.
She want the only him, isn't he is the one that she was waiting for?
She wondering, feel uncertainty, feel insecure, expecting for.
Yet, she still expecting that she will meet the one who ♥ each other--
She ♥ him and he ♥ her as well.

At the same time, she don't have any gut to ♥ anyone right now.

She wanna be alone, she was emo - holic therefore she don't wanna ♥ anyone.
Please leave her if you don't wish to treat her as friend.
She knew guy who go after her was not a good idea and might cause bad outcome.
She not really get ready for any ♥, she perceives she like to being emo, shed her tears sometime.
Yet, she was trying to find someone who understand her.

She was trying to let the time heal everything for her.
She knew some people will scold about her attitude and behavior.
That's was her, a girl who want to perceive the Truth of ♥.

You might criticize that she was a bad, silly girl, she couldn't ♥ others right now.
At the same time, now only she realize.

♥ - hard to be equal.
You ♥ him, but he ♥ 'her.'

In the end,
we like, we ♥, we hurt, we sad, we broken-hear-ted, we cried, we emo, we gain.
These was what we have learn t in life!

'I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you!'

Sorry LOVE,
Florence






这会是。。最好的我。。

Emotional

It's the last day of the year 2010.
I'm here to present a nice WONDERFUL song-

最好的我
Jaychee Chan & Serene Kong

It was the song which my colleague (Ronnie) strongly recommend me that,
and I kept click and listen it repeatably.
I do really love it.
It's meaningful for couple who do love each other.

我不在乎什么天长地久，我只在乎你想不想要拥有.

I don't care for what's eternal, I only care whether or not you want everything.
my sincere and warm hand of pair.
I will accompany you whether to smile or to cry.
I don't care how long you'll stay the next time you come.
I only care about this unprecedented heartbeat.
I won't leave because I LOVE YOU so.
I want to give you the best of me even if we're only friends.

But I know you deserve better and more.

How long could I wait for another new guy?
I promise I would forget the past.

I just don't wanna be em lone.
Date of emo post: 31-12-2010

** Anyways, wishing everyone HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011!!
Hope a better great life of 2011 and in future will fall on me and everyone who wish to be. **

Think Calmly

Emotional


After back from UK study, it's time for myself to sit down and think calmly of the plan which I am going to implement..

It need time.
It need plan.
It need action.

Think calmly. Act calmly